How Hiking Palo Duro Canyon Motivated Me to Face Fears Again in 2021

Just two days before 2021, I set out to do an activity I’ve never done before: hiking. After an almost six hour drive to Canyon, Texas — and gradually increasing anticipation of the freezing cold weather ahead — we were beginning our six-mile round-trip hike on the Lighthouse Trail at Palo Duro Canyon.

Fairly flat and described on the state park website as “moderate,” I was feeling pretty confident for the first 2.5 miles. But as we got closer to the peak, and I repeatedly asked my boyfriend how we were going to get up that high (to which his responses were suspiciously vague), I became more anxious. The fearful questioning was confirmed when we were suddenly confronted by a steep, rocky path, which seemed like something no human should be climbing up. I immediately froze. I don’t do these kinds of things, I kept repeating in my head.

My boyfriend was becoming increasingly irritated by my stubbornness, and children and tiny puppies were passing us on their way down, so I decided I had to do it. After basically crawling my way up the last trek of the hike, making the most careful, calculated steps in my brand new hiking boots, we made it to the top.

I sat frozen on the large, flat surface for awhile, nervously devouring a power bar my boyfriend handed me, as he continued to hike even higher up the rock formation. After swallowing my last, chalky bite of the bar and taking a deep breath, Palo Duro Canyon finally came into focus, and it was incredible. Soon, the breathtaking view overtook my anxiety, and my worries about how I might be able to get a helicopter to come get me down from the top subsided. I felt like I somewhat understood the satisfaction of hiking.

I’m not planning any more difficult hikes than the Lighthouse Trail anytime soon — my legs were shaking like I was doing a barre workout as I clung to the back of my boyfriend’s backpack as he led us down the trail — but it was an exciting start to 2021.

Facing fears has been difficult for me this year, as we’ve been strongly conditioned to avoid danger at all costs, ie. coronavirus. For nine months, as vacations were canceled, family gatherings postponed, and the ability to go out and meet new people hindered, I felt as if life had just stalled indefinitely.

Thankfully, the light at the end of the tunnel has come in the form of a vaccine. But as we saw yesterday with the violence at the U.S. Capitol, it feels like there is always going to be something to be afraid of. I’m pledging to myself to keep moving forward and even climb things I know I could fall off of. I hope we can all find some fears to face this year to keep us learning and growing. Because although it may have seemed like it after this incredibly tough year, life has not stopped and there’s much good work to do in 2021.