Culture / Sporting Life

Leaf Blowers, Astros’ Banner Commandos, Alex Bregman’s Crazy Defense and The Other Derek Fisher: Fun Home Opener is Another Warning Shot at Yankees From Houston’s World Champs

BY // 04.02.18
photography F. Carter Smith

The only reprieve for the Baltimore Orioles comes when the Houston Astros’ leaf blowing crew can’t get the damn black curtain off the club’s gold 2017 World Series Champions banner. It is almost like someone facing a firing squad has been given a final cigarette — and a last leisurely stroll around the block.

Even if the Orioles — and their proud pitching staff manipulating manager Buck Showalter — do not know what’s coming, the Astros players do. They’re about to attack another overmatched pitching staff. One relentless at-bat at a time.

If only, that black curtain comes off.

“I was like, ‘Come on, come on, come on… finally,’ ” Altuve says of the unexpected unveiling wait. “It was funny. But I wanted to get to the game.”

This is how Houston’s world champions roll. This Astros team is somehow eager for the next step even as it celebrates the title that never will be forgotten with the Houston fans. On this humid first Monday of April, 42,675 of them pack themselves into Minute Maid Park for a championship coronation.

They find themselves watching a team that’s already charging into the future like it’s determined to get another one.

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This night ends with a 6-1 Astros win, an almost low-key thumping achieved on the strength of a No. 9 hitter who goes 2 for 3 with a triple and two RBI (Derek Fisher — no, not the old Lakers guard, the Astros World Series Game 5 pinch runner force), a fill-in All-Star who just keeps thumping (Marwin Gonzalez) and a shortstop who’s converted himself into an absolute defensive monster at third base (Alex Bregman).

These Astros might not be as famous as the 2000 Yankees of Derek Jeter, Mariano Rivera, Jorge Posada, Bernie Williams and Scott Brosius, the last team in Major League Baseball to manage to pull off a championship repeat. But they’re just as relentless at the plate, turning every at-bat into a battle that opponents can only hope to stave off.

And unfortunately for teams like the Orioles, even the most stubborn curtain cannot stay on forever.

“This team is going to have somebody different every day,” Gonzalez says at his locker, after the Astros almost routinely move to 4-1 in their young title defense season. “Two or three different guys are going to do something to win the game. That’s what makes this team special.”

That and having a defense that sometimes defies the very odds of baseball. Bregman pulls off several plays at third, gunning Orioles down from nowhere at first, that just suck the life out of an opposing team. The Orioles just keep hitting him the ball in impossible positions. And Alex Bregamn just keeps getting them out.

Bregman’s white Astros uniform is so caked with infield dirt and grime by the end of the game that he looks like he bathed in the stuff. The special gold lettering MLB lets only the world championship team wear wasn’t made to endure this type of relentless brown punishment.

Then again, that’s Alex Bregman.

“Bregman… we could have a whole (highlight) segment just showing his defensive ability,” Astros manager A.J. Hinch grins.

No Carlos Correa, No Worries?

On a night when superstar shortstop-to-be Carlos Correa rehurts the left toe he fouled a pitch off in Arlington and has to leave the game after fielding a ground ball (Correa is day to day for now), the Astros barely blink. On a night when they have to use their fifth starter (who just happens to throw 98 MPH), they breeze to another win.

This already feels like something of a warning shot to the New York Yankees, the Astros’ presumed vanquishers. Aaron Judge, Giancarlo Stanton and Co. are only 2-2 after a lackluster opening series in Toronto. Somehow, New York’s finest are already losing ground to the most relentless team in baseball.

“We’re Houston proud,” Astros general manager Jeff Luhnow, the man who walked into Jim Crane’s office with a giant binder that plotted out the world title to come in his first interview for the job, tells the eager crowd before the championship banner unveiling. “We’re Houston strong. And we’re the 2017 World Series Champions.”

It may have taken a while to get the giant black curtain off the new 2017 World Series Championship pennant above left center field — and the near commando work of an Astros employee scaling a high ladder to finally get it done. Rambo never got up ladders that quickly.

Hey, leaf blowers apparently aren’t as powerful as first thought — this was the backup plan of unveiling attack, to blow the curtain off with leaf blowers. The curtain wasn’t having any of that either.

Enter commando man — and big laugh from several of the Astros players lined up and watching it all unfold above them.

But the Astros themselves didn’t waste any time taking care of business. This team never seems to need a redo. It attacks from the opening pitch.

George Springer doubles into the center field gap to start off the first Astros home half inning of 2018. Bregman promptly follows by lacing a double of his own into the left field corner. Just like that, the champs are up 1-0.

This isn’t the offensive onslaught of the last two days in Arlington when Jose Altuve and Correa go absolutely bonkers. But Gonzalez hits a home run to right field. And the Astros keep adding runs.

It’s 6-0 by the end of the seventh inning with the Astros’ ninth hitter going 2-for-2 with a triple and two RBI. That’s more than a little relentless. And disgusting for limited opponents such as the Orioles.

The Astros lineup must feel as fair and forgiving as the most berserk Catholic school nun to the rest of the American League.

Houston’s now playing .800 baseball after demoralizing the Rangers in Arlington and then putting the Orioles in their place in the home opener. The Astros are already rolling, already plotting much more.

“We have three wins,” Hinch says before the game. “I want a 100 or more.”

Luhnow is already talking about building up a cushion for the adversity that’s bound to come (See Correa’s toe?). These are uncommonly focused defending champions.

The Astros end up with 11 hits on an April Monday when their offense doesn’t even seem to be warm, let alone cooking. The absolutely packed crowd anticipating a party does not seem to faze this team — or even put any pressure on them — either.

“A lot of people were here kind of hoping for a good game,” Charlie Morton, that World Series Game 7 savior turned fifth starter, says. “It was a big moment for the city.

“I’m glad I did all right.”

That’s these Astros. They always deliver. Whenever the curtain happens to open up.

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