Calabrese Budner Gives Advice On Protecting Your Children During a Custody Tug-Of-War
Strategic Solutions to Avoid Parental Alienation And Other Challenges In Custody Disputes
BY PC Studios // 12.04.24This article is promoted/partner content and not produced by the editorial staff.
For many parents, the most daunting aspect of divorce is the potential loss of precious time with their children. This fear, combined with the heightened emotions often present in divorce cases, can escalate custody disagreements into contentious battles that leave children vulnerable. It is, however, entirely possible to shield children from conflict and continue effective parenting during and after a custody dispute. Partners Carla Calabrese and Lee Budner of the family law firm Calabrese Budner and their team have successfully guided countless parents through contentious custody cases, utilizing collaborative approaches that foster cooperation and constructive dialogue as well as aggressive representation in high-conflict litigation. “Regardless of the complexity and severity of the situation, ensuring the well-being of the children is always our top priority,” Calabrese says.
Address the Elephant in the Room: Parental Alienation
One of the most pressing concerns for parents — yet often the hardest to pinpoint and address — is parental alienation. This topic has become more prevalent in recent years, garnering the attention of mental health professionals, scholars, and courts alike. “Clients frequently worry about this issue but may hesitate to voice their concerns,” Budner says. “If parental alienation is present, it must be addressed appropriately.”
Parental alienation can occur when one parent attempts to undermine the child’s relationship with the other parent. This can manifest in various ways, including making negative remarks to the child about the other parent, talking to the child about the litigation, or even making false allegations regarding the other parent that undermine that parent’s relationship with the child. When courts are alerted to parental alienation, they take such claims seriously. When proven to a court, parental alienation can lead to restrictions on the offending parent’s access to the child. Unfortunately, as this topic has become increasingly common, this has led some parents to falsely allege alienation in a bid for custody.
Whether a client is concerned about the other parent engaging in alienation or whether a client has been accused of alienation, it’s essential for a lawyer to work to uncover the truth and ensure that the court understands the full extent of what is happening in the parties’ and children’s lives. When allegations of parental alienation are ignored, children and the alienated parent can suffer emotional harm that may take years to mend.
Start with the Basics
“To safeguard their children during custody disputes, parents should adhere to some basic practices. These practices also benefit the clients themselves,” Budner says. This includes complying with court orders, refraining from discussing conflict-related issues with the children, and keeping the children protected from adult conflict and concerns.
“Creating a stable environment for your children amidst the chaos is crucial,” Calabrese says. “Maintaining consistent routines, reassuring children of both parents’ love, and encouraging open communication about their feelings can provide much-needed security.
Identify Potential Trouble Zones
While every family situation is unique, certain problems commonly arise in coparenting arrangements,” Budner says. These can include ineffective communication, hostility, lack of responsiveness, differing parenting styles, and conflicts over decision-making. Expectations regarding holidays and vacations often lead to misunderstandings when not clearly outlined in advance.
“Effective communication is at the heart of a good coparenting relationship. And you can’t have one without the other,” Budner says. Communicating effectively, however, is hardest when the tensions and stakes are high. “When parents prioritize their children’s welfare and stay focus on that common goal, they can maintain composure in their interactions,” Calabrese says. Establishing ground rules for communication — such as scheduling weekly check-ins or limiting discussions to logistical matters between coparents — can enhance clarity and reduce conflict.
Communication not only matters for your coparenting relationship, but it also matters to the court. “A court’s decisions on custody issues can sometimes turn on coparenting considerations — the parent communicating in a positive, healthy way about issues affecting the children is more likely to accomplish their objectives at the courthouse than the parent that fails to model healthy communication,” Budner says. “Effective communication with a coparent may come naturally to some, but to others it’s a skill that needs to be taught and practiced.”
Working with a dedicated divorce attorney can help parents establish guidelines for effective coparenting and communication. This help can be integrated into a comprehensive parenting plan to support their relationship going forward.
Relying on Professionals
In addition to enlisting the right legal professionals, parents can benefit from the support of counselors, experts, and mediators trained to navigate the complex decision-making processes with which they are struggling. Assistance from both highly skilled legal and mental health professionals is critical when one parent may be saying or doing things that can undermine a child’s relationship with the other parent.
To provide premier services to their family law clients, the lawyers at Calabrese Budner are highly skilled in handling these matters and work primarily with the best mental health professionals in the city who focus on the kids when a parent puts them in the middle of a tug-of-war with their spouse.
“Our team is committed to our trademarked philosophy of ‘Family Matters,’ focusing on effective strategies to protect children from the emotional fallout of parental conflict,” Calabrese says. “At the end of the day, nothing is more important than the well-being of the children involved.”
To learn more about Calabrese Budner and their expertise, visit calabresebudner.com or call 214-939-3000.