The Best White Elephant Gifts Ever: Win the Day by Being the Worst

Editor’s note: PaperCity’s counting down to the holidays with ultra-curated and distinctive gift guides.

So, you’ve been invited to a Christmas party. And not the low-key, festive kind of fete where you’re gulping down Eggnog and relaxing. No, this one’s got a lot of pressure. It’s a White Elephant gift exchange, and there’s always the elephant in the room — who brought the worst gift?

Which, by White Elephant standards, means who brought the most ordinary, run-of-the-mill gift, the kind someone might actually want.  That’s not what White Elephant parties are about, at least not in these here parts. It’s all about getting the laughs, whether they be hard-earned or cheap.

If you want to make a splash, you’ve got to get the utmost unexpected. Not to worry. PaperCity has rounded up the most random gifts guaranteed to wow in the worst White Elephant way possible.

Inflatable Dancing Tube Man

$35

Just what do you get the person that has everything? Something from the used car dealership that has everything. This inflatable dancing tube man is available for individual purchase, in case you were wondering. At least that’s what the site seems to say.

Or maybe they’re just blowing hot air.

LED Umbrella

$36.94

There’s no raining on your parade with this illuminating present. It’s rainy-day-gear meets-rave with this transparent LED flashlight umbrella. Eight waterproof glow sticks shine, shedding light on puddles, adding that extra sense of security and, well, making you feel extra. It’s about time for some singin’ and glowin’ in the rain.

It’s not so much rain or shine — it’s rain and shine.

Over-the-top Bookend

$27.87

This gift will suit anyone and everyone with a flair for the dramatic. This clever bookend turns storing your favorite paperbacks into a total disaster. Little Fred’s about to get squished by your leaning pile of page-turners. How’s that for a plot twist?

What you read is up to you, but the whole effect would be perfect with a murder mystery or two tucked in there. Just saying.

Sudoku Puzzle Toilet Roll

$9.95

So, puzzled about what to bring that’ll knock everyone’s socks off? The answer’s not puzzling — it’s a puzzle. And it’s a pretty unique one.

Go off-the-wall and on-the-roll with this Sudoku toilet paper. One puzzle is printed per every piece of paper. Sound gross? Maybe. But come on, we all know your friend would just be scrolling through their phone otherwise. Consider this the more hygienic time-waster, not to mention brain-teaser.

Shark Fin Ice Cube Tray

$5.29

This gift will get your heart pumping, then help you cool down. It’s actually more friendly than fierce and frightening.

You’ll have to fight off the urge to hum the Jaws theme song every time you pop out one of these mini shark fin ice cubes. Bonus points for using them in Bloody Mary’s.

Denture Soap Set

$7.50

We’ll be honest — with this one, you may have bitten off more than you can chew. This creepy denture soap set is the end-all-be-all of gag gifts, because you can’t really toss it without feeling wasteful.

So, go ahead. Wear down those pearly whites in almost any scent you can think of. Maybe just try not to think about whatever those chompers chowed down on last.

Mermaid Tail Blanket

$29.95

Calling all wanna-be mermaids and all mermen! It’s time to get out from under the sea and onto the couch. This mermaid tail blanket brings comfort and creativity, keeping you cozy in the most whimsical way imaginable.

We promise you won’t want to get up and walk on dry land. And how could anyone expect you to?

Fruit Keg Tapping Kit

$22

Get ready to be the life of this party with this unique accessory. While all your friends are tapping kegs of beer at good old fashioned get togethers this summer, you’ll be tapping a watermelon. It may just be the best way to tackle that melon at a barbecue. We’re guessing the person who came up with this may have had a few too fruity drinks.

You can tap a refreshing watermelon cocktail straight from the source for a one-of-a-kind picnic. These cocktails are sure to bear fruit.

Dinosaur Lamp

$12

No, great gifts aren’t extinct. And no matter of meteor showers or ice ages is going to take this one away. This origami-style lamp is an old school night light for the little ones, or a pretty sick novelty for an adult. You’d have to be cold-blooded to not love it, and it might just tip the scales in your favor.

Bracelet Flask

$14.99

Take a shot with this bracelet flask — literally. It’s one boozy bangle: the perfect, oh-so-discreet liquor smuggler. It comes in three colors, whether you want a statement piece in metallic rainbow, or aim to fly under the radar and flag of vodka with gold or silver. Sip, sip, hooray!