I used to recap The Real Housewives of Dallas for D Magazine back when I was on staff there. It was a true labor of love, and convinced me to never again attempt recapping reality TV. (It kind of takes all the fun out of it.) Heading into the fifth season of our local Bravo franchise, I was looking forward to watching mindless television without taking laborious notes and wondering how I could possibly find joy writing when racism becomes a plot line (something that’s becoming an unfortunate RHOD theme), or attempt to explain Kam’s roundabout way of arguing. (Remember the “bashing a baby” argument? I’ll never forget!)
But five episodes in, I’ve realized I missed writing about these women. They’re not perfect, and they don’t always accurately represent the Dallas I know and want viewers to see, but they’re our Dallas Housewives, damn it, and it’s fun to follow them on Twitter and judge their various highs and lows.
So, instead of recapping, I thought I’d just share a few key Dallas takeaways each week. Or maybe every other week. I don’t know, I don’t want to commit to too much. We’re in a pandemic!
Anyway, the ladies went wine tasting in Grapevine this week. Here’s what stood out.
– I know this isn’t episode-specific, but I do want to talk about D’Andra’s tagline and her absolutely haunting delivery of it. I don’t like to comment on women’s voices, but Dallas Housewives do tend to speak with a slightly higher timbre. When D’Andra comes in low and hot with, “Dallas girls are sugar and spice…,” it’s jarring, captivating, and a little frightening. I love it so much.
– I thought it was very cool to see Kary’s daughter open up about her mental health, and was fascinated to hear her comparison of Dallas and Los Angeles in relation to the Black Lives Matter movement. I did not think it was very cool to see Kary bring up her daughter’s struggles to deflect in an argument.
– Tiffany argues in a highly logical manner and that’s nice to see.
– Again, not episode-specific, but did you know Dr. Tiffany has a line of candles named after different medications and anesthetics called Aroma-Sthesia? I can’t decide between Lidocaine and Propofol.
– Non-Texan viewers might wonder why Kameron won’t just, like, take her dog outside for a walk. But I believe this was filmed in the summer, which means it was conservatively 175 degrees in Dallas. Kam seems like a woman who would avoid involuntary sweating at all costs.
– BIG face shield episode this week. I listened to Danny Pellegrino’s podcast with Dr. Tiffany because he’s wonderful and I certainly have the time. Here’s what she said:
“We did try to socially distance as much as we could, and we didn’t see anybody else except ourselves. We would basically have all our PPE on until the moment we were ready to start filming. Sometimes we would wear face shields instead of masks because you can’t tell people’s facial expressions when they’re wearing masks.”
Alright. OK. I do like seeing a face.
She also discussed reading through Bravo’s safety protocols prior to filming, “It seemed very organized, and everything was done according to the CDC guidelines. And I thought, OK, I think we can safely do this. And to our credit, we did. We did our entire filming and not one person got sick.”
– I wish I could comment more about Grapevine, but I’ve lived in Dallas for over 10 years and have honestly never visited. Weirdly, this episode kind of made me want to go.
– Brandi said she went to therapy recently and it shows. The way she decelerated the chaos at her birthday party deserved a Nobel Peace Prize. After Emily in Paris, of course.
Until next week! Maybe!