Deshaun Watson Can’t Imagine Jimmy Garoppolo’s Easy Life: While Jimmy GQ Dodges Porn Star Silliness, the Texans QB Must Carry a Win-Now Team

Jimmy Garoppolo goes on dates with porn stars (not that there’s anything wrong with that), makes $37 million a year and is generally treated like he already walks on water in the Bay Area. Deshaun Watson gets heartfelt hugs from cafeteria workers, “only” makes $3.1 million this season as the 38th highest paid quarterback in NFL (oh, the wonders of a rookie contract) and finds the future of Bill O’Brien hanging on his right arm.

When it comes to burdens, Deshaun already has much more to carry. For Jimmy GQ, life is but a dream. When your biggest concern is not realizing how much attention people would pay to who you go out with, things are good. Near Dewayne “The Rock” Johnson life good.

As different as Garoppolo and Watson are, they figure to be battling for NFL supremacy in the years to come.

Tom Brady’s TB12 Method will not let him play forever, early evidence aside. Aaron Rodgers sometimes seems more interested in calling out his teammates and coaching staff than flinging touchdown passes these days. And Russell Wilson may decide to just give it all up and go off to save humanity one afternoon. (Is there space in Avengers 4‘s bloated cast?)

New elite quarterbacks are needed — and Garoppolo and Watson are the best bets.

Which gave Saturday night’s otherwise typically meaningless NFL preseason game between Watson’s Texans and Garoppolo’s 49ers some juice and intrigue. On one of this Houston summer’s most miserable days, you could step into NRG Stadium’s air conditioning and see pro football’s future.

Of course, everything is always cool when it comes to Jimmy G.

The quarterback who Bill Belichick still can’t seem to get over is at it again in H-Town. Garoppolo completes a perfectly-placed 40-yard pass to Marquise Goodwin on the game’s first third down (one that leaves Texans cornerback Kevin Johnson with a scary concussion). On a later third-and-9, he hits Goodwin again. On fourth-and-one, he shows extreme patience, letting fullback Kyle Juszczyk leak out completely unnoticed in the right flat before hitting the Harvard man on the money for the easiest 24 yards ever.

In all, Garoppolo completes 10 of his first 11 passes for 136 yards and a touchdown. If Jimmy G isn’t Joe Montana reincarnated, he at least has the cool.

“It was good building on what we started last week,” the San Fran savior says afterwards. “It was nice to get more reps than we did last week. There were some good things out there overall.”

Watson matches Garoppolo’s 10-play, 78-yard opening touchdown drive with a 11-play, 79-yard TD march of his own. Watson accounts for 73 of those 79 yards with his right arm. The Texans’ offensive lifeline is put into shotgun twice by O’Brien with the Texans inside the one-yard-line with inches to go, which says plenty. The second of those results in an easy touchdown dart to a curling Bruce Ellington.

Then, Deshaun’s gone, done for the night after that one 5-for-8 drive. After seeing Johnson’s injury, O’Brien almost has to be second guessing himself on if even this is too much. For these Texans are going nowhere if Watson gets hurt again.

Better to save all of Deshaun’s magic for when it counts.

“Deshaun does a great job of throwing you open,” Ellington says. “Leading you in the right direction.”

These Texans receivers know that following Watson anywhere is a wise move. For Ellington that meant going to offseason workouts in Los Angeles with his quarterback and DeAndre Hopkins. On a night when he’d score a touchdown and pull on bright orange shoes afterwards, Ellington harbors no illusions about who’s the vital man.

All success leads through Deshaun.

“I just ran a slant and Deshaun threw it in front of me and let me do what I do,” Ellington says. “Got to make the catch and get myself some YAC.”

Yards after the catch will make even the future of the NFL smile.

“Bruce is very smart,” Watson says. “He’s been in the league for three or four years now. He’s doing a great job for us, and he’s going to continue to do that.”

Jimmy GQ’s State of Grace

The 26-year-old Garoppolo is four years older than Watson. More importantly, Jimmy G has the more creative offensive coach behind him in Kyle Shanahan until O’Brien proves otherwise (and he’ll have plenty of chances to prove otherwise if Watson stays healthy).

The clock’s ticking for O’Brien (even with the coach’s four-year extension) and the Texans’ franchise, in ways it’s not for the honeymooning Garoppolo and Shanahan in San Francisco. Texans owner Bob McNair is not getting any younger. Romeo Crennel is not going to coach forever. Who knows how many dominant years J.J. Watt and Jadeveon Clowney have left together?

This all puts more of a weight on Deshaun Watson than Jimmy Garoppolo can even imagine, but the man who toppled Alabama can handle it. It’s not always about being cool.

When the night ends with third-string quarterback Joe Webb flinging a 40-yard TD pass to undrafted rookie Vyncint Smith with 24 seconds left to give the Texans the most meaningless of 16-13 wins, Watson runs onto the field and jumps around in delight. Sure, he’s wearing a white towel around his head — and his night’s been over for more than two hours.

But this is what leaders do. They celebrate others’ moments.

Watson is a man with endless responsibilities. The burden’s on him. But he looks as ready and equipped as ever to handle it all. That’s who he is.