A Modern Etiquette Expert’s Guide to Gifting and Tipping for The Holiday Season

In her recurring column, “Social in Security,” modern etiquette ambassador and Bell’INVITO founder Heather Wiese walks us through a list of trusted tips you can rely on. Today’s topic: gifting and tipping for the holiday season.

The holidays are a notable time to step up and show gratitude. I’ve researched for you, spending hours with everyone from etiquette experts to the tipped and gifted themselves to curate a definitive guide; here is the lay of the land as it sits today for modern etiquette for tipping and gifting, particularly during this important holiday season of showing appreciation. As John D. Rockefeller, Jr. wrote, “Think of giving not as a duty but as a privilege.”

The Do’s and Don’ts of Tipping and Holiday Gifting

A standard 15 to 20 percent tip at a restaurant is not a gift. In the United States, this is part of the living wage for servers who are paid below minimum wage. If your tip is meant as a gift, give well above this percentage. 

Plan to gift those who serve you often throughout the year, whether you will see them during the holiday or not.

On the matter of holidays, religion, and gifting, make an effort to honor another’s customs (if you are aware) when gifting, or give a generic gift that is simply a sincere appreciation of service and well-wishes for the season.

Have some gifting awareness — especially if you are gifting in a diverse group, like an office or church setting. Don’t be cheap. Don’t be ostentatious. Do bring your best emotional intelligence (EQ) game. If you have the means to generously give, in the words of C.S. Lewis, “I do not believe one can settle how much we ought to give. I am afraid the only safe rule is to give more than we can spare.” Great generosity doled out quietly is the epitome of elegance.

I will inspire you with this, my dear friends reading: give generously. And while you open your pocketbooks, remember the timelessness of your gift is in how it was given. Give generously of your time, your smile, your sincere words, and your patience. “The simplest acts of kindness are by far more powerful than a thousand heads bowing in prayer,” Mahatma Ghandi.

Who, When, and How Much?

First, create your budget. Remember that you are gifting. You cannot control expectations, so don’t overwhelm yourself with thoughts of judgment or defending your choice. Give with gratitude to the people whose services enrich your life, and let it be. If you are limited on cash, a heartfelt note, and a token — even a homemade gift for the holiday is absolutely acceptable.

The People You See Out and About

For bartenders and waitstaff, it is appropriate to tip 20 percent with a $50 to $100 holiday gift depending on regularity. For baristas, 10 to 20 percent tips can be appropriate, as well as a $20 to $50 special holiday gift. For private club staff, tipping up to 25 percent can be appropriate. Remember, these are your regulars — the places you go that treat you like family. 

The People Who Care for Your Home and Kids

If you have a doorman, maintenance crew, laundry service, lawn care, and even — your postal carrier, think of them during the holiday season. These people who make your house a home regularly are worthy of sincere gratitude. While it’s not common practice to regularly tip delivery personnel, lawn, pool caretakers, dry cleaners, nannies, and dog sitters, it can be appropriate to gift a small $20 to 50$ gift or the equivalent of a week of wages to show you care. 

For care providers like coaches, teachers, and tutors, it can be more appropriate to give a handwritten note, baked item, or basket to share with their office in lieu of a monetary gift. 

Beauty, Health, and Wellness Providers

The general understanding is to tip service providers (think hair, makeup, aestheticians) for their services, but not doctors and nurses for medical procedures. Aestheticians, hair and makeup stylists, and nail technicians regularly receive a 15 to 20 percent tip per service. Holiday gifts can be a cash gift equal to the price of one service. It is not appropriate to tip doctors, vets, dentists, personal trainers, or therapists, but a small personal gift or a gift for the office can be a great gesture. 

Depending on where you live, medical professionals cannot accept gifts by law. Additionally, today, there is a new expectation to tip for the service provider, whether employee or business owner. As some might recall, original etiquette standards set forth that an owner who provides a service was not tipped because they alone controlled the price of their service. 

Feeling befuddled? You’re not alone. This confuses nearly everyone. To that end, follow these guidelines: injectables and elective medical procedures are a tip no-go for reputable establishments. Facials, blow-outs, massages, laser hair removal, haircuts, gel tips, and balayage, whether executed by the employee or salon owner, currently garner a tip of 15 to 20 percent. If the policy exists, respect it. It’s there to protect everyone. A word to the wise: ask about the tipping policy pre-game so you aren’t hit with an unexpected increase in the cost of your service. The general rule of thumb is that medical professionals do not receive tips.

As for holiday gifting, if you have a regular provider, a holiday gift of cash will be the equivalent of the cost of one treatment (pre-tip). As an alternative to cash, a personal note accompanying a thoughtful gift is acceptable.