Culture / Travel

Two Days in Glasgow — Kilt Chasing, Hidden Shops and Lessons in Glaswegian: An Anything But Conventional Guide to Scotland’s Largest City

BY // 08.15.18

Editor’s note: This is the third part in a series on PaperCity Dallas culture/style editor Billy Fong’s adventures in the United Kingdom, attending a wedding. To read part one and two of this series, click here and here.

After seven glorious days on the Emerald Isle, I hopped a flight in Cork for Glasgow, Scotland. Unfortunately the plane for my Aer Lingus flight had propellers. The start to my journey was white knuckled to say the least.

Completely exhausted, I told myself — this is supposed to be my vacation, so if I’m tired when I arrive then I should just laze about my hotel room and watch some BBC accompanied by room service.

As with any new experience, I got a second wind (likely due to the propeller induced panic similar to Snakes on a Plane) and decided to explore Glasgow. Before beginning my United Kingdom adventure I had happened upon a quote: “We look to Scotland for all our ideas of civilization” — Voltaire.

Dammit, I was ready to heed that command!

Each day I likely logged 12 miles on my Fitbit trekking the city. I felt like a seasoned global traveler since I was able to figure out the tube system quickly, which like most in the UK was kept immaculately clean.

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I had two full days to explore and was going to follow the strategy of half-days filled with culture/history and half-days consumed by shopping. I adhere to the rule of avoiding stores and labels that I can find back at home. Since we have it all in Dallas, that can make it quite limiting. That said, the UK does provide for some interesting options.

On my first morning in Glasgow, after procuring some much-needed caffeine (no, I’m not that adventurous — I did locate a Starbucks) I wandered into Vivienne Westwood. The retail gods gave me a heavenly sign — the staff was marking down their clearance items even further, to 75 percent off. At those prices, I think of the clothes like rescue dogs in search of a good home. Lots of her aristo-punk garments returned home to Dallas with me — in my over-the-weight limit Tumi luggage.

My other memorable retail moments included finding a tiny treasure – Hidden Lane. Literally, an off-the-beaten path little hidden lane filled with unique shops and galleries. I fell in love with Decadent Riot, where I found curiosities and chic items like blue and white porcelains emblazoned and emboldened with heavy metal and rock band names. Also, precious needlepoints delicately stitched with “pretty face dirty mouth.”

I had a real Schitt’s Creek (the staff at PaperCity are more than obsessed with this show chronicling the lives of the Rose family) moment when walking into the store Cruise. It was exactly where I picture fashionable David Rose buying his label-heavy, predominantly black wardrobe. An abundance of Balmain, Lanvin and Versace that the largely Euro-poncy clientele was buying in bulk. (BTW, “poncy” is one of my favorite new UK slang terms, look it up as it could come in handy when describing many Americans as well.)

The Kilt Quest

I realized, if I’m in Scotland then I need to procure a kilt. I went back to the friendly sales guy that helped me at Westwood for advice. He suggested a men’s store outside of the touristy shopping district that would likely have numerous options. Who knew getting a kilt would be such a production?

I was asked by the knowledgeable and attentive staff if I was interested in a custom-made kilt where they would research my family tartan. I shared that given my last name was “Fong” that they weren’t likely to find that plaid. (No, Mel Gibson’s character in Braveheart’s last name was not Fong.) I was able to find an off-the-rack in a color of my liking and at the right length — I didn’t want one that was too saucy and showed too much leg.

Selfie from the Necropolis
Taking a selfie from the Necropolis is almost required.

The highlights of my cultural/historical excursions included the Glasgow Cathedral and adjacent Necropolis. The Necropolis is a Victorian Gothic garden cemetery filled with not only beautiful memorial stones, but also sculptures and buildings designed by Glasgow artists, including Charles Rennie Macintosh. The top of the Necropolis is one of the highest vantage points to view Glasgow and ideal for oodles of iPhone pics that should be quickly posted on social media.

I loved my afternoon wandering through the Kelvingrove Art Gallery and Museum. Opened in 1901, the museum has an excellent assortment of British and continental paintings, the highlight being Salvador Dali’s Christ of Saint John of the Cross.

An exceptional series of galleries feature the Glasgow School of Art with complete furnished rooms, metalwork, and other works of art. Other exhibits of interest include weapons and armor, such as helmets, crossbows and swords from the 15th and 16th centuries, as well as Flemish tapestries, Glasgow-made jewelry, silverware, glassware and pottery from various periods.

Finally, I needed at least one night on the town. Since Glasgow is so far north, daylight can extend up until 10 pm. I had heard of a chic nightclub I wanted to check out. After struggling to stay up (yes, leaving the house after 9 pm is late for me) I made my way there at 10:30 pm (I didn’t want to arrive the moment they threw up the velvet ropes).

Initially I had thought that traveling solo in a country that speaks English wouldn’t be terribly challenging. However, I didn’t factor in the layer of understanding Glaswegian, spoken by a Scot that had been drinking after I was equally inebriated. I guess Rosetta Stone needs to put out a version for that type of traveler.

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