Castle Mansion is back on the market — and ugly as ever. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
What, your garage only houses 14 cars? (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
The outdoor living room is just as ghastly as the interior. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
Castle Mansion is a whole lotta look. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
Bathing does not need to be this ornate. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
At least when you're asleep you don't have to look at the room. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
The wet bar is what we'd call extravagant. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
This movie theater is blinding. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
A simple backsplash would have done just fine. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
There's just too much going on. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
The living room is a bit much. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
The grotto pool is exactly what you'd expect. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
Dining here is disastrous. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
This archway is over the top. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
Gothic windows give a welcome view of anything but the house. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
This wouldn't be a palace without a spiral staircase. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
The grand entrance says everything you need to know. (Photo by Concierge Auctions)
The Castle Mansion has reared its ugly head again. That name may sound unofficial, but all you need to do is type “castle mansion Texas” into Google, and you’ll instantly find the Zillow listing for the mansion monstrosity at 3716 North White Chapel Boulevard in Southlake.
The asking price for this oh-so-homely home has dropped from $3.5 million on down to $2.5 million. Apparently, while looks aren’t everything, they still count for an awful lot. People may just recoil from this royal-inspired house.
Just last year, McMansion Hell ranked the nearly 20,000-square-foot Castle Mansion among the 16 most grotesque homes in Texas. Castle Mansion was listed as House No. 14 out of a not-too-small pool of 2,000 prospective abodes vying (or hoping to avoid) the infamous ugly mansion list.
So, just what about Castle Mansion makes some viewers want to gouge their eyes out? For starters, the many pronounced turrets that are sharp enough to get the job done.
Concierge Auctions, hosting an online-only auction for the mansion that will run from April 23 to April 25, notes this caricature of a castle features a “storybook façade.” Maybe if the story is a Gothic horror, fitting with the windows. They also put a spin on the anachronistic style, referencing “old world enchantment.” Enchantment is right.
Sure, you can live like a king — but do you really want to? Someone will pay a king’s ransom to live in a mansion that could be lifted right out of Harry Potter.
Maybe, if you’re into eight bedrooms, eight bathrooms, four half-baths, a master suite with his-and-hers showers and its own fireplace, a movie theater, billiards room, a wet bar, grotto-style pool, hot tub, outdoor living room and a 15-car garage. Which may just be big enough to fit your royal carriage.
Inside, the color palette is a swirling combination of earth tones, from wood to stone.
Not all storybooks have to be traditional. Or pretty.